Relationship advice

8 Signs You’re in a Healthy and Mature Relationship

You’ve been dating your partner for a while and you’re wondering, Is this how it’s supposed to be?

Image by Liya Khaimova — made on Canva

It takes a lot of trial and error to find the right person. And even after a little while, that right person might not be the right person.

It can be evident after a week if the relationship is a healthy and mature one.

Sometimes, it takes months, if not years…

If you’ve been wondering if you’re in a mature and healthy relationship, keep reading.

There are some telltale signs that you and you’re partner are doing just fine.

How to tell you’re in a mature relationship

1. You have arguments — but you resolve them quickly

Everyone argues, and it’s foolish to think otherwise. If you hear someone say healthy and mature relationships are those that never argue run for the hills.

Yes, maybe in the beginning you and your partner hardly ever argue, but as a relationship grows arguments are bound to come up.

According to clinical psychologist Deborah Grody, married couples that never fight often are the ones that get divorced.

The key to knowing if the relationship is healthy and mature is if you resolve the argument quickly. And that you aren’t going to bed angry. Having constructive arguments can actually bring you closer to your partner.

Not resolving the argument will lead to resentment and deterioration of the relationship over time.

Of course, getting into heated arguments constantly isn’t ideal, either. If that’s happening, it might be a clue the relationship has run its course — and it’s time to move on.

So, if you find you and your partner arguing, think about how it ends. Did you resolve what it was you were fighting about? How did you feel at the end of it?

A healthy and mature relationship isn’t afraid of having an argument — especially if it’s a constructive one.

2. You trust them — and the trust is mutual

Trust might be one of the most important aspects of a relationship.

Any healthy and mature relationship will have mutual trust.

Can you trust them to go out with their friends and not worry about them being unfaithful?

Do you trust them with the difficult moments in life?

Can they trust you to do the same?

It’s hard to figure out how much you trust someone unless you communicate what issues and concerns you have with them.

3. You respect each other

There’s nothing worse than your partner not respecting you. Or you not respecting them.

If there isn’t respect, I’m sorry to say it but, the relationship is doomed from the start.

When you and your partner respect each other then other things fall into place — like civil conversations and arguments.

Every mature and healthy relationship has each partner respecting each other.

4. Your communication is dialed-in

Do you tend to hold things in? Bottle them up?

Does your partner?

One thing to kill a relationship faster than anything is poor communication.

Some people react to tough conversations by freezing up and giving their partner the silent treatment.

If you can communicate to your partner you need some time to think, it will make the conversation more efficient when you return to the argument.

There’s give and take with communication because no people communicate in the same way. It takes practice — and some failed relationships — to really know how you prefer to communicate.

Psychology Today writes that good communication results in greater relationship and sexual satisfaction. If you can communicate what you want — in and out of the bedroom — your relationship will soar to new heights.

This is a telltale sign of a healthy and mature relationship.

5. You think of this person when making decisions

It’s important to be confident in yourself, especially in a relationship.

But something significant happens when you’re in a mature and healthy relationship:

You start to think of them when you make big decisions — even little ones.

No longer are you living a life only for yourself. You’re wanting to make the most of it with your partner. So, it’s inevitable you think of them.

Where do spend your holidays? When you’re in a new relationship you might not have thought twice about spending holidays with your family.

Now that you’re getting serious with your partner, where do you both go for the holidays?

Where do you vacation next? Does the vacation work for your partner’s schedule?

You might not even recognize you’re in a healthy and mature relationship when you start making decisions with them in mind!

And that’s okay. Soak it in and revel in the fact that you’re in a great place with your partner. It might be scary to make these decisions at first, but if they’re a good person it will feel right.

6. You appreciate your alone time, but know that you wouldn’t want to live without them

There are times you want to pull your hair out when you’ve spent too much time with your partner. We all get sick of our partners — especially during the pandemic — so don’t feel guilty for being sick of them.

But the thought of them not being in your life brings you great sadness, as it should.

It is so important to have your alone time, and your partner should feel the same way.

This could be an entire day or just a few hours alone. Whatever time you need to get the things done that only you, and you alone, need to do.

If you’re in a happy and mature relationship, your partner should understand when you say, “Hey, I need a bit of time to myself.”

Go ahead, schedule that spa day, read that book you’ve been putting off, get that pedicure. Remember, it’s important for your relationship and mental health.

7. There are no regrets about being with them

If you’re having regrets about being with your partner, there are a few questions you should ask yourself:

  • Why am I feeling this way?
  • Do I have some unresolved feelings from a previous partner/relationship?
  • Does my partner match my core values?
  • Do I know what I want?
  • Am I scared for what the future holds?

Regretting a relationship is never a good sign, or feeling. So, it’s not a common feeling one has when they’re in a healthy, strong, and mature relationship.

If you’re feeling regret, talk with a therapist — either on your own or in couples therapy with your partner — to figure out what’s going on. This could really clear things up for you and your relationship.

8. You can imagine a future with this person

This is one of the most fun and best parts of being in a healthy and mature relationship.

It’s not hard seeing the two of you as an older couple, or with children — if that’s something you both want.

Yet, don’t let the idea of what your relationship could look like take away from what your relationship actually is.

Relationships evolve, especially the longer you’ve been in one.

Stay present and allow the two of you to grow together, and as individuals.

The most healthy and mature relationship you should have is the one with yourself.

Remember this when you’re looking for love. It’s all there — inside you — and a partner can only love you as much as you love yourself.

I work in Finance by day, write and sing by night, along with all the other projects happening in my life. Cat mom. She/her. Creator/Editor of Lean In.

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